My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
