yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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