If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer