i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
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It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
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We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"