alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?