I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.