I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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