Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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