I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i now understand why vodka
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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