Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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