She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
