I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
