did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
