i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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