Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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