His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Shame is for Republicans.
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