Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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