I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i think my cat just said my name.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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