Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
