you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
