Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
