STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I need help removing her.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
