I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
home. puking in laundry basket.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
