The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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