You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
