he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize