something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
