Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
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My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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