I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
