she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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