I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you had me at cake vodka
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
