Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
