Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
