My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
