If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
