i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
