He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
