I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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