Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
