I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
that's an acceptable place to lick
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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