Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I enjoy the company of your penis
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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