Me too!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
