i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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