Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I want to be your penis for a week.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
