positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
