id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
