I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
