Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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