I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
