1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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