Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
COCAINE IS GR8
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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