I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
