am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
