Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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