you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
