My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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