some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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