Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
