She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
