I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
