Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
