his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
