Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
