last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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